How to spot a Videographer
a non-exhaustive list
- Like ninjas, they choose black as their colour of choice in everything they wear so they might stealthily stalk their subjects without them knowing.
- Unlike ninjas, they’re not particularly subtle. It’s difficult to be stealthy when one is holding a video camera the general size and weight of a small child.
- They own a drone (or they aspire to own a drone) and though using it fills them with exorbitant glee, they will reveal little more than a satisfied smirk. And no, you can’t use it.
- They will often break silences with the sound of a straw grating against the bottom of a milkshake container or soft drink cup. Large, of course. All that filming is thirsty work.
- They have no-nonsense haircuts. Shaved off, cropped short, pulled back — the videographer means business.
- Their homes are filled with weird and wonderful equipment that you want to play with. Don’t touch.
- If you watch TV with them, they will spend the commercial breaks explaining how they would have improved the commercials.
- They are constantly on the lookout for technological advances. Chances are that they will discover it, purchase it, and be competently using it faster than you can say ‘white balance’.
- They hoard batteries like they’re made of gold.
- The question of ‘Do you own a camera?’ will be met with derisive laughter and the elaborate reveal of multiple cameras spanning several decades and accompanied by varied lenses.
(Have we established yet that I write in jest? Yes? Good. Then lights, camera, action — CUT!)